Look, I’m the first to admit how lucky I am on my commute. I get to take an *express* bus. That takes away 90% of the riff-raff right there. And usually, there are quite a few hotties on my bus (mmm 1BX).

But I still like to make fun of people you see on both the express and “local” busses. I wish I had pics for this, but I haven’t been able to sneak any lately.

Today I’ll point out two generic types a la In-N-Out Burgers– aka Animal Style:

1. The turtle.
The turtle is someone who wears a backpack or large bag, doesn’t get a seat, and doesn’t move all the way to the back. To make matters worse they don’t remove their backpack.

They typically stand at the rear steps blocking not only the aisle, but the exit as well. They have no spatialization skills.

2. The T-rex
Ah, a special creature, not limited to just the bus.

A T-Rex is a woman who usually has heels on and holds her purse or bag in the crook of her arm, not in her hand. If she’s a real T-Rex, she won’t be able to walk correctly in her heels either. (I can imitate this in person). Sometimes if she can’t stand in her heels and uses her free hand to grab the bus rail-strap thing she can become a BPL (see next item)

Two other stereotypes for today:

“Balance Problem Lady”

(sexist? maybe . . . but based off empirical data, I haven’t seen a man do this yet)

Every 10 bus rides or so there seems to be a woman who gets on who has balance problems. Usually– usually, it’s an older woman (not elderly, just older) who doesn’t get a seat and has to stand and who doesn’t seem to be aware of when the bus is about to start/stop.

I’ve only seen 2 (sober) women completely fall over, but I’ve seen most BPLs almost fall quite a few times which is how they got their nickname.

They’re hard to describe because they’re not stumbling from walking when the bus is in motion. They’re just standing there.

side note on BPL-
I’m not sure if the problem comes from an actual balance issue, or if it comes from being perpetually unaware of the behavior of the bus.

I have a theory though that if I put a “balance problem lady” in my car (front seat) with a cup of coffee/drink, she’d still spill it on herself with every sip because she’d be the type to try to take a sip just as the light’s turning green.

Last one:
“Self-righteous guy”

Usually a NYTimes reader.

SRG is usually the first to yell at the driver if he misses a stop in the afternoon. In fact, I just ran in to a SRG.

A SRG pulled the cord to stop on one of the Avenues. But the Express doesn’t “technically” stop at all the stops, although depending on driver’s whim (and the route), they may.

– eg. the 38 will stop at Arguello, 3rd and 6th- but the 38BX38L is really only supposed to stop at Arg and 6th. But a lot of times the drivers don’t care in the afternoon.–

Anyway, the driver today was sticking to the rules/stops and wasn’t stopping at 3rd. So an SRG screamed “baaaack doooorrrr!! my god why isn’t this guy stoppinggg??”

A woman next to him (and me) said, “they don’t normally stop at 3rd, it’s not an Expresslimited stop.”

SRG retorted “Well, they did last Friday”

So I said, “okay, well, tomorrow morning you should try to catch the inbound 38L at 3rd and tell us how that works out for you.”

SRG rolled his eyes and had to suffer the indignation of getting off at 6th.

Once I saw a guy yell the same thing at the driver because he wasn’t going to stop– and the SRG hadn’t even pulled the cord!

One other example of a SRG. In the mornings an express bus will have one last stop before it goes all the way inbound to downtown- hence the Express moniker. The bus is usually packed by then and sometimes not all the people can get on.

If they can’t get on at that last stop, the SRGs (girls too) will put out their arms/hands and roll their eyes and sometimes yell at the driver from the street.

Btw- when that happens I usually smile and say “schadenfreude” under my breath as I wave out the window.

Bonus:
PinkBag Ladies

Don’t mess with them. Ever.

The nickname comes from the pink plastic bags they get after shopping for veggies in Chinatown.

Always defer to them.

Rarely seen on an express bus, they have their own schedule.