Category — humor

I hope this doesn’t means that I have to give up my passport. A while back Paul R was teasing me saying that I’ve been in California long enough to be a Californian.

His definition is “you have to have lived here long enough to go through two (economic) downturns.” (I think he formed this rule, aka ‘Paul Rule #34′ after the Defense downturn).  He said I qualified because I went through the Tech Bust and the Housing Bust.

Either way, it’s disturbing as I identify as a Texan…What say you?

I got back from my work trip to SoCal last night and was feeling tired and lazy. I was only thinking of sleeping in and taking the bus to work. As I got off the plane and walked through the gate at Oakland airport I noticed this they had a bike display up:

and

The one under the blue bike was supposed to be ‘old’ and the one under the bike w/ wood (looking) rims was actually very old (and had a motor).

I like the flask on one of the bikes, but isn’t the whole point of having a hip flask to have the flask hidden in the hip pocket? Or is it a “hip” flask as in “I’m a hipster, look at me! I can’t afford my own fifth of bourbon?”

Wait, I’m confused…. I just want to fit in and I thought I had the schedule memorized…

I thought FRIDAYS were “wear the helmet on the back of your head like a yarmulke” and MONDAYS were “take a helmet and just strap it to the bars”.

I’m doing it wrong….

*disclaimer, I’m just being a smart ass about helmets- if you don’t want to wear one don’t -that’s up to you- but if you take one out at least wear it correctly

I downloaded LED Football for my iphone and was playing it on the bus on Saturday night on my way to a party.

A cute girl sitting next to me asked what I was playing and I showed her the phone- proudly one could say… and I started to tell her about everyone having one of these games when I was a kid… and then I realized that the game was older than she was. Uggh

I’m speechless… vajazzled? lol

(via basketbawful)

I think next new year’s I’m going to skip going to parties on the 31st and instead become evil-Kenny ™ for a night  [twirls moustache and arches eyebrows].

Here are some positively evil jobs for the 31st (and yes, I saw of a lot of these walking home from Angie’s party*):

Taxi Driver

These guys were just plain busy. But I saw a few guys forget to turn their top lights off and it was hilarious watching the drunks flock to them like moths only to get swatted down.

Tow Truck Driver

eeeevil

Unsanitary Food Cart Operator

pros: $$cash… under the table

cons: have to prep a lot of food beforehand… or do you? muahaha

Dexter

pros- depends on who you find

cons – tons of cleanup/disposal work; need to vet potential candidates first to make sure they meet Harry’s criteria ™

but the top job: Unscrupulous Limo Driver!

Damn, I saw a bunch of these guys just preying on the drunk and desperate in need of a ride.

Pros: cash up front  Cons: illegal to operate as a cab

*I didn’t really see Dexter walking home in SF

dentist fresh clean feeling all day

Ok, let’s get my pervy-ness out of the way first. Does the fact that I dig this ad mean I have a dental fetish?

Don’t worry, even though I’d like to (insert joke here) [ get her in my chair? clean her teeth ... the hard way? use laughing gas on her? ]

But, once I see the ring on her left hand I’m not interested. I think that means I’m getting old…

Half Price Rechargea..

Watch the ad…

Anyway- I think that ad is a lot like this video from Andrew WK. Except that the girl is much cuter…

edit: great, now that video for the toothbrush isn’t working…

I’m in a weird mood. This is how I feel today:

Uh oh… I may have expressed my joy about the demise of the 4 too soon! I saw that Muni re-labeled that initial bus stop as the new starting point for my beloved 1BX.

The 1BX is a double-length articulated diesel bus. And now it will be rolling down my street to make it’s initial run instead of staying on California St? This could be really bad. I’ll know very early tomorrow morning how this will work out.

Ah, but that’s the sacrifice I make for living in such a cool city.

UPDATE! Dec 07

Hey, it’s all good!

The 1BX doesn’t start running until 7 so I didn’t get woken up by Chewbacca rollin’ down the street. And when the 1BX was at the stop, it was all business. Everyone got on and they rolled off- the bus wasn’t sitting there idle at all.

note: they may be idling up the hill at 6th & Clement in front of the bank, but that’s fine by me- there aren’t any apartments there- only businesses on each corner.

Yay.

Another movie clip, from 1983 – the part they almost always cut out whenever this flick is on TV. I never knew the blonde was 30 Rock’s Jane Krakowski.